LISTENING SKILLS

 It was only when I comprehended the importance of "Listening Skills" that I realized , why God gave us two ears and one mouth . Research indicates that we spend about 40 % of our daily time , listening .
 Therefore , it becomes obvious that any improvement in this skill would have a direct impact on Personal effectiveness. Thus , it is a paradox that it is not an integral part of any management school curriculum or even the perception of HR Departments.
 Relating a personal experience ," When I bought a computer , in 1997 , the computer reseller was supposed to send a technical service representative (TSR) to set it up. I went through the guide books given as a part of the computer potpourri and had a large number of questions , which I wanted to ask the TSR. The TSR arrived , went straight to the computer, set it up i.e , put it on , told me that he was in a hurry and pushed off.
 I was left with feelings of queasiness and dissatisfaction. The dominant mental pattern in my mind became ,"This reseller has poor service capabilities ". On analyzing my own behaviour , I realized that I was unhappy with the services in spite of the computer operating efficiently and that I would try out other resellers , next time.
 If the TSR had practiced listening skills , whether verbal or non - verbal , the outcome would have been certainly different.
 Prima-facie, it seems that the physical act of listening is what listening skills are all about.However on closer examination it comes to the fore that listening is an active rather than a passive skill.

   NON VERBAL SKILLS  :
 For effective listening , we not only need to use our ears but also our eyes and emotional perceptions.
 The non- verbal listening skills relate to facial expression , body posture and giving the other person an opportunity to speak.
 The face has to be used as a tool for extracting information . We need to listen with our faces. This would involve eye contact , open face contouring ,occasional nodding of the head , reflective facial expressions and an open body posture .These attributes indicate mental involvement with the speaker thereby facilitating communication.


 
         All these skills have to be used in combination and simultaneously for effective non - verbal listening. This became obvious to me during one of my interactions with a client. The client representative was seriously telling me about some organizational problems. I was listening intently , maintaining eye contact , nodding my head , keeping an open body position , but I had a slight smile on my face. This was so because the problems were quite similar to my earlier experiences. However , it prompted the speaker to ask me , a trifle curtly , " Why are you smiling". I had to quickly repair the demage by giving an explanation and changing the facial expression to "sombre". Such faux pas can be easily avoided by practicing  these non - verbal listening skills.

    VERBAL TRIGGERING SKILLS  :
         Though the term "listening" connotes passivity , in reality it is not.
 Verbal triggers are essential components of a "Good  listener" repertoirre of listening skills for enabling a person to open up and visibilize his / her mental patterns. These verbal triggers can vary from minimum catalysers such as "I see" to  "open ended questions".
          "Minimum catalysers" can be utilized for egging on a person to share more of his  / her mental patterns. Communication invitations such as "What is happening " invariably result in the sharing of the dominant perspective by the focussed person. This trigger seems to be the most widely used and accepted invitation to communication.
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         The C.E.O of a leading textile unit uses a variant of this in the form of, "What is the feedback" , to extract most of the soft information , in which he is interested.
 The creation of an "Expectant Silence " results in an urge to fill the silence through speech , which invariably triggers the visibility of situation specific perceptions. Body language descriptions in the form of "You look tired, why ?" are also effective "open up invitations".
           Each mental pattern layer can be the basis of forming open ended questions such as , " What have you seen / felt / experienced  that led you to the conclusion that he is a miscreant".
     OR
        "What are your assumptions when you say that his actions indicate his guilt ?" .
         These act as powerful triggers for accessing and visibilizing the relevant mental patterns of a person.>

 CONFIRMATORY SKILLS :
         Many a times when I have said something crucial to someone , I have wondered whether the person has understood. This invariably prompts me to ask ,"Have I been able to get across". Even when the answer is "Yes" , I am still not sure whether the communication in all its aspects has been perceived.
 This gives rise to the need of " Confirmatory skills"  in a good listener.
 "Confirmatory skills " refer to the skill of confirming back to the speaker that he / she has been understood.
 
        The confirmation of perception transfer can be done by reflecting the feelings exhibited by the speaker in the form , "You are angry that your permission was not taken ".
         Confirming the speaker's essence or meaning or even summarizing the communication in the form "So you think that the GM's presence is vitiating the atmosphere " can also effectively serve the purpose of confirming perception transfer.>
             Thus , listening skills not only enable a person to comprehend and retain what has been shared but also enable more and better transfer of perception. This has  a further impact on relationship goals such as demonstrating care and achieving alignment.